Evil
A devious being
Brought into my life with good will
Even enjoyed for a time
But now despised
Too dishonest
Claiming innocence
But never showing
Always slinking just out of site
Settling into mind
When least expected
Wishing to be rid of you
But unable to do so
Cat
I like this as I was unable to tell what the description was until the end. You crafted a good piece of taunting the reader and keeping engaged to the last note. I do wonder if there are some more powerful words that can be used, to help build "umph". Like a more powerful word for "showing" and "expected"...or wait, maybe a few more adverbs. Don't use this one, but what came to come was "but (utterly) unable to" for the second to last line.
ReplyDeleteI like it, but it seems a bit off-kilter. Reading it my head feels jagged.
ReplyDeleteI feel like you're breaking off unfinished stanzas up until about halfway through the piece. You may want to consider adding a few more descriptive terms or something along those lines. I liked the piece, it's definitely creative, but your stanzas are all just so broken off that it becomes hard to read until the end. The ending made the whole poem.
ReplyDelete-Jamie
I think its pretty good. I can't really tell what my favorite line is, they all correlate really well with each other. The only thing I can think of to fix or look at is that it does run a little jagged.
ReplyDelete-Michael
P.S. Cats are awesome!
You threw me waaaay the F**K off just now, with the cat. I love that you may be talking about your soul, or maybe an ex girlfriend. I feel like it could flow together a bit better.
ReplyDeleteKekoa
What I got from this was that you might have had a bad time with a cat.
ReplyDeleteJoseph
i would of never gessed this was about a CAt! this poem is so good! i love your word choosing-kylie
ReplyDelete